Tag: poetry

Good and Bad

Watched the moon, still a crescent, go down with Jupiter. At one time, and for most of human history, the position of the stars and phase of the moon was of great importance, allowing us to plant and find our way.

It took a lot of common knowledge to get this far. Now humankind seems to care more about how we differ.

What was once a commonality, something to steer the ship, has been washed out and polluted with our own false sense of superiority.

***

When our girls were growing up, Lisa and I emphasized that they had to keep themselves safe. We told them everything from, don’t leave your drink, to stay with groups, and always trust your gut, among other things.

We tried to do it without scaring them. But the truth is the world is a tough place, especially for women.

***

I worked with a man who hated women. Every relationship he was in ended badly. He married and had kids and physically and emotionally abused them. He could be cheerful, even charming, but it would never last. He would be put off with a perceived slight or someone unresponsive to his advances.

Our girls were teenagers at the time. I remember thinking, this man was a predator looking for an opportunity. He may never have an opportunity and always stay on the side of the law, content on making the lives of the people closest to him hell, but given the opportunity he could wreak havoc on anyone unsuspecting.

He had a big influence on what we tried to impart on our two young daughters and keeping themselves safe.

***

The world is small that way. The dangers and beauty are always both right there.

Long shadows and light.

Weekend

Enjoying every moment.

A fine week behind us. The skies finally cleared and it was nice to get to see some blue skies. Lisa and I had some nice fires in the fireplace and went on a couple nice walks. Weekends are always the highlight.

The weekdays are good, I look for anything to make me laugh. Luckily I work with people that feel the same. It passes the time and makes some of the more difficult or trying work easier.

***

Last Tuesday, on the way to work, I thought I would go through the drive through at Tim Hortons and get a coffee. Early in the morning, off season, it shouldn’t be much of a wait. There was only one car ahead of me. I was in luck, I thought. Usually the line can be out of the parking lot.

He took awhile to order. When he was done I pulled up and saw he had ordered $101.64 worth of stuff! Of course, he was even longer at the pick-up window. The line up behind me was out of the parking lot. There was only one person in the car ahead. They had BC plates. Usually it’s the red and white ones causing grief. I was late for work when I am usually 15 minutes early. Tim Horton’s staff got him through and apologized for his actions, saying, with such a big order he should go in the front. I paid my $2.15 for my dark roast, black. I envisioned a School Board Employee, someone in management, buying a round of coffee, bacon and egger sandwiches and doughnuts for the early morning meeting, thinking everyone else in the world is on their lazy ass schedule.

What can you do, but laugh.

***

A rotten tooth above the gum line of the valley bottom.

The mountains have light around them. The colours are gray with blues, days getting longer, not in the morning yet, but in the evening. In January you take what you can get.

Tomorrow is Monday, I’ll get up and do it again. And if I don’t feel like it, I’ll remember how many times I didn’t feel like it, but did it anyway.

Deep December

Spent most of the day cleaning the house. Lisa did the bulk of it. She doesn’t like knick knacks or clutter so cleaning goes pretty fast. I like doing the bathrooms, vacuuming, the easy stuff. 

Lisa asked me to tidy up the basement. That’s where the bulk of my stuff is. Books, books, and more books, papers, journals, negatives, pictures, knives, sports equipment and old furniture. 

There is no good reason to hang onto all that stuff. It is not valuable, it’s only worth something to me by the memories it evokes.

***

We also have plenty of supplies. Mason jars on a rack.  Preserves from last summer that will be eaten up plenty this Christmas.

A full freezer bursting at the seems. CBC and Chrystia Freeland keep warning Canadians the economy, climate and world order are going to hell. Grocery prices are high and going higher.

I don’t know what to do, so I buy a piece of meat and put it away for when we are starving.

The way things are going we’ll have to buy another freezer.

***

Plenty out there waiting to get us. I wonder if we would be safer if I turned off the news.

***

The bank has been calling. They want to know what to do with the small amount of money in my pension plan earned while working for the government. It comes due every year. I usually turn it over at the lowest rate of return.

They tell me the money is going to be eaten away by inflation. I know what they are saying. They tell me it may as well be stuffed in a mattress.

They look at me like the fool I am, little do they know, my freezer of meat get’s more valuable every day.

***

Can you blame the youngsters for not wanting to contribute. It seems like a lost cause. 

Unlike when we grew up, they don’t want material things, that’s been drummed out of them long ago; they will never afford it, they only want stability, a promise for a future that doesn’t involve endless war and environment destruction.

The shit is coming at them like driving 90 in a snowstorm. You either get blinded or hypnotized, it takes everything you have to keep it out of the ditch. 

***

Still when it is all tallied, everyone on earth has done this, it’s been an experience.

***

December 1st

Last light.

Most of the day on a plow, jumping off here and there to shovel. The housekeeping manager hit a deer coming in. She was fine. Her KIA looks fucked. The deer dead as a doornail. To make matters worse a big dog ran onto the road to feed on the deer. Stressing her further that the dog would then be hit on the road.

***

A young houseman wondered where his team was. The team are the housekeepers.

He said, I think they have left. Can I go home?

I said, I can’t see them leaving early. Call them on the radio.

OK, he said, but looked dejected.

He told me later his girlfriend was home alone. Their young son was having his first day at daycare. They live in staff housing and everyone else was at work.

He said, she is home alone.

They probably don’t get a lot of alone time.

If I was the boss I would have given him the rest of the day off. With the advice to pull off on the way home and jerk off, as not to disappoint her with his pent up anticipation.

That’s probably why I’m not the boss.

The Moon and Jupiter in a close conjuncture.

The sun came out a good hour before noon. That’s winter. It’s lovely. Lisa says I have to change my shirt daily because I sweat shovelling and stink.

Just the way she says it turns me on.

Warm

Crazy dreams, cozy. People alive, that haven’t been seen for awhile and plenty of dead people too. All the people I love or did.

Had my head down today. In and out of a plow, shovelling snow. It was just a skiff. Winter eases us into its season. Sometimes it can be a bastard. Freezing beards, crawling up ankle socks, long underwear and Lullulemon britches, which are similar if not the same thing, when I wear them my ass looks anything but nice.

Wood heat, electric blankets. Putting your head under the covers and flexing. Whatever it takes to keep warm.

Shovelling, plowing, gathering around the fireplace. 

All those friends and family in the dreams working hard to keep warm.

Cooling Back

Oregon grape.

Damn it feels good. The cooler weather has been a welcome reprieve. It’s still warm for this time of year. Waking to cool air has been nice. Pretty soon we will be ‘fighting for warmth’. That’s what my son Hunter calls it, when you pull the covers over your head, and flex your muscles to keep warm. Probably why many families in the old days had so many kids before central heating.

The summers are trying, heat and tourists. Lisa and I thought it would be funny if fifty years from now, people looked at the large second homes and thought, ‘Damn, what were these folks thinking? Global warming and not an inkling of thought to try and cut back. Can you imagine the energy used to heat that monstrosity?’

Tough to run through, but you can do it if scared enough.

It will probably never happen. The final answer to the pickle we are in will have to protect the richest. Otherwise it would have been solved long ago. It’s not that hard really.

We had breakfast behind Swansea. We took a spur away from the ruck. Plenty of bear shit on the road, they are also trying to avoid the crowds.

Even wondering cutblocks, climbing logging roads, looking for dead snags, a chicken or two crossing the road, washouts, Lisa and I looking at each other in glances, her saying, ‘you should put it in 4 wheel drive,’ and me saying, ‘I’ll put it in four wheel when we’re stuck.’

Fetch me a switch. Dark night and shadows. Good thing we don’t live back then.

Noctilucent

Probably should have spent more time figuring things out on earth instead of looking at clouds and stars. Rivers of fish hiding behind every rock. To see it on ground you have to see it above.

Plenty of folks say God is up there. Looking down. Religion, and lately, science casts judgement with offers of redemption.

The sky is full of giant birds spreading their wings, prehistoric animals, white water fast and falling, chimneys puffing and faces that can’t be quite made out. Ghosts maybe.

Perhaps God took off and who could blame him.

I said to my daughter, ‘Do you see that elephant?’

She looked up and said, ‘Yes, I do.’

It felt good, even if I should have taught her different.

Day one

Fishing hole.

The first day of a week off. Willow and I headed out for some fishing. I expected the bush to be busy. To my delight it wasn’t, not sure why. We stopped at the first lake and put the boat in. Caught a couple nice Cut Throat Trout that we turned loose. We had left over roast at home in the fridge. I was using a barbless hook and they came off easy.

Willow saying, ‘Let’s get this show on the road’.

An Eagle sat on a tree, also fishing, we kept an eye on each other. The fish were deep but came up with my hook. I didn’t want to get into a spitting match over who’s fish it was in case I hooked one the Eagle was interested in. This has happened to me before. I have a policy never to hook Eagles or Beavers while fishing.

A dandy! It threw the hook into my finger. Good thing it was barbless.

I never saw a soul until the fire marshall rolled up on me. They check to make sure people put out their camp fires. Low and behold it was a teacher I worked with at the School District. He also taught our kids. He was one of the good ones, probably the best. We had a good talk. We called it after the mosquitos had had their fill.

The garden is producing. Willow is asleep. The sprinkler is going. I am sunburnt. Sometimes you get lucky.

dreams

It was a big dog, face twice the size of mine, docile. It would have been okay if it wasn’t for the two cougars following me. The older was injured the young one was following along. Dogs are smart, instinctual, they smell fear. I was the intermediate between both worlds, cougar and dog. Not understanding either.

The old cougar woke up, knocked out most likely, saw the young one. The big dog knew right away the game was on and started barking, slow and deep, its giant face, jowls and eyes jiggling.

The cougar reared back and made itself twice as big as the hound. There was no reason to step in.

***

The last dream. I was playing hockey and had to put the puck in an empty net and couldn’t do it.

***

Usually something goes wrong.

***

But sometimes I am swimming in the deep water out at the logs. Doing backflips into the lake when the sun goes down, while a girl in jean shorts straddles the log watching me. If the time is right I elevate into the sky. That’s better than anything conscious or dreaming.

***

Willow asks if we are going fishing tomorrow and I tell her, ya.

single leg trap

There ain’t many left, but I see a few downtown. Usually they are hell and gone creek bound, stumbling up or down a mountain looking for bears, goats, sheep, elk, moose or the next good huckleberry patch, always keeping an eye out for straight pine, without a knot for the first twenty feet, something that will lend it’s self to easy dovetail and make a descent cabin.

The fish and muskrat will come, same as the beaver and lynx, bobcat and coyotes. There is still people that want to wear fur. Sometimes just a bit for trim. The animals get to live on in a place where they won’t bear their teeth.

You ever try opening a trap to set an animal loose? It’s easier to kill them with a rifle or rock. That’s why you never see three legged wild animals.

It’s a collaboration. They don’t get to watch the world go to hell. They live like their fathers. The snow gets deep and things don’t turn out, they wonder about something easier, sunshine for instance in the November cold. Then it gets colder and finally the sun comes back making everyone feel special.

The animals trapped given their druthers, more than likely, would prefer having their hide on the hood of a rich bitch instead of being eaten by magpies.

Not that any of us get the choice.