Tag: humour

AI

WordPress now has an AI editor to help with writing. It can translate, correct spelling and grammar, which is helpful. Now it can simplify, expand, change tone and summarize.

Is that different from correcting spelling? I love a world where I don’t have to know how to spell.

Could I have ever put this to use when I was a youngster. Dragging on, hit simplify, not sure what to say, pick expand. Pissed or happy, pick change tone. It could have been my super power.

Now everyone will have it. Shit.

summer

A wind storm blew through this evening. Rain was forecast. It never transpired. The wind sucked the moisture from the ground, drying the grasses and trees.

Campfires have been banned across BC as the back country dries. 

Dry winds in the valley have been commonplace for many years now as the climate warms. 

This year saw an abundance of grasshoppers, supposedly, due to dry conditions.

Forest fire season is just getting going.

***

The Canadian government’s stance is; we must adapt, and ultimately buy our way out of climate change. We must switch to expensive, inefficient electric vehicles and solar electricity. The more people change the cheaper and more efficient they will become we are told. It sounds like a con in light of all the many things we could do right now to cut emissions. Unfortunately the cuts would only hurt the wealthy and that is not acceptable.

***

The changes we are told we must make, electric cars, solar panels, etc. will also mostly benefit the wealthy who own the companies ready to provide these products.  It is our only salvation we our told by government and media, so get on board!

***

Meanwhile, on my little spot on earth, the government and business community, cater to second home owners. Homes only occupied for a small time of the year. BNB’s that put working people out of housing in favour of vacationers. Vacationers polluting with recreation vehicles such as boats that sully Lake Windermere and its shores, dead anyway from second homes. Canada welcomes tourists by the millions coming on planes and automobiles. Can there be a bigger excess of emissions than the well off and rich recreating? 

***

You will never hear a word from government or even staunch environmentalists, who make up a good portion of carbon emitting recreationists  about this. Instead the mantra is we must buy electric cars. It will save and absolve us. We can buy our way out of this, giving our money to those same wealthy second home owners and recreationists who own the companies who provide the ‘solution’.

***

We have a McDonalds in town now. It’s just been built and opened. People love it. It’s like we have come of age.  On one side of it, is Lordco Auto Parts store, on the other side will be a new gas station. It is a development built by Brett Wilson, Canadian investment banker and former panelist on the TV show Dragons’ Den.

I stopped at McDonalds on the way to work the other day. The drive through was two lanes and freshly paved. I was the only one in line. I ordered a breakfast sandwich and coffee. They took my money and gave me coffee and told me to wait in stall two where they would bring out my sandwich. I idled for 10 minutes, burning fuel, wondering where the next gasstation was, before figuring they forgot about me, risk being late for work, l left with my $9 coffee.

I shouldn’t have been there in the first place and it taught me a lesson. Brett Wilson reminded me hucksters are alive and well.

***

The climate is changing. I see it.  If it is man made, as media and government say, and why take the chance it isn’t, there is plenty we could do right now to make a difference. But we don’t. I do know, beware of grifters saying it will be okay as long as you purchase the remedy.

Old Tracks

Hind and front. Glad we came along later.

Before bed I thought I’d better make sure the garden gate was closed. Walked outside into a warm evening. I never walk anywhere without boots. The garden is only thirty paces from the basement door. I figured I was safe to go barefoot. Half way there I stepped on a wasp and got stung in the crotch of the big toe and the tall one next to it. Damn. That’s seven stings this year! It could be my new record.

Little Big Dog.

I remember when I was about four, one morning, I took a stick and knocked down a nest in the shed. I was stung on the nose. That night I was with my Dad picking raspberries at my Aunt Elenor’s place and got stung on the ass.

Dad thought it was hilarious I was stung on the nose and ass in the same day. He laughed telling Mom when we got home. I couldn’t see the humour in it at the time. Now I am a Dad and Grandad it is damn funny. I can’t help laughing when I reminisce.

Long Weekend/Tourists

A good long weekend all in all. Lisa and I got out of Dodge early on the busiest days.

No shortage of entitled idiots from Alberta. They were everywhere. I believe they are something we have to accept like, dry summers, grasshoppers, wasps and forest fires.

Speaking of grasshoppers and wasps. The grasshoppers are everywhere, hitting you in the face and jumping ahead of every step.

On Sunday unloading wood I rearranged the woodpile. The grasshoppers started jumping. Before I knew it. I had disturbed a nest in the woodpile. Got stung about six time on the hand before I realized they weren’t grasshoppers. Angry bastards. I had to split the load of wood 20 feet away from the woodpile. More hauling later. My hand is sorer today than yesterday.

Still those fucking tourists are more of a nuisance, I swear to God/ 😉

Canada Day

Lisa and I were up early and heading for the bush to miss the tourists and second home owners, who are out in force.

Once we made the corner after the first bridge on the Kootenay we were free and never saw a soul, except the most important, a black bear, a murder of crows circling something dead, plenty of deer, bucks in velvet, a shiny muskrat and birds singing songs, so beautiful, that I will never understand no matter how hard I try.

We picked up a load of wood. Tomorrow I will split it. It is birch so the sooner the better. It will keep us warm. Summer is when you should think of winter.

Picked a litter of lettuce in the garden. The grasshoppers have wings but aren’t eating like they were when they were small. As far as I can tell they don’t like peas or tomatoes. Everything else has taken a shit kicking.

We sure have a good country. I may bitch at the folks running it. The country and citizens are so strong even the politicians haven’t been able to screw it up. 🙂 Aboriginal people are seeing a future where injustices are acknowledged. There is no making things right. There is no returning justice. MY small spot on this land belonged to someone who didn’t agree to sell it to me.

Our future is dependant on immigration, that’s a good thing. The ideas and hard work coming from abroad will make us strong.

Whenever I meet someone wanting to make Canada their home I think of my Grandfather coming from England in 1912 looking for a better life.

I live in this time in history when immigrants made my life easy in my youth and will help me in my old age. How lucky is that?

Most of the creeks are still high. I followed a spring, out of nowhere, a hundred yards through a grove of birch, then disappeared underground to cripes knows where.

The country is alive and beautiful. I can’t contribute like I used to. I don’t expect much. That’s how it is when you are happy.

Somehow we have to grab rocks, but instead of throwing them, we have to lie down on them and feel the warmth.

Cooper & Scarlett

Off trail, testing their footing.

Lisa and I had the kids over for a sleepover. They are so good. Copper and Scarlett have their own room with a bunkbed at our place. They feel at home. Lisa and I feel good about that.

They get up early in the morning. Lisa taped over the minute digits on the clock on the stove and told them they couldn’t get up until the hour digit said ‘6’, ‘7’, or ‘8’. They were up at 6.

Cooper standing beside a backroad mile sign corresponding with his age. This could be a family tradition.

We had breakfast up the creek. Pancakes and bacon.

The valley is busy.

Cooper and Scarlett are full of energy and they are constantly yaking. Sometimes I think they are purposely trying to drive old Grandpa crazy. Grandma, on the other hand, is unflappable and welcomes the spirited discourse.

They are celebrating their birthdays this month. They sure are getting big.

Scarlett pointing to her young age on a milage sign blasted by a shotgun.

Rain

The rising sun catches the ridge in the west. Dark storm clouds above, shaded valley bottom below. Taken about 6am from the garden.

Came through a good bit of rain. It was welcome. In the mountains it was snow.

We planned a trip into the high country last Wednesday, but postponed it to this coming Wednesday. The youngsters from work were disappointed. I didn’t welcome trudging through a foot of wet snow on the mountain side. The truth is I’d end up sliding on my ass coming down trying to dig my heels in yelling whoa!! It can be fun, but I’m too damn old for such hijinks. I didn’t want to lose face so told them the scenery would be better when it cleared.

The doe deer are busy with their fawns. A few days ago I freed a fawn that got caught in fencing. Today Jack shooed one from the pool court back to its mother. It was held up under patio furniture and was starting to gather quite a crowd of guests. Jack said he had done it plenty with lambs back in England. He is a good man that Jack.

***

Some warm weather is expected. The recent rain has done its best to cool the bush. That’s more than we can ask.

Storm

Bog Orchid. Although common I have not seen this species for several years.

Lightening with plenty of rain, so not so bad. We have postponed a hiking trip with some youngsters from work, because of snow in the back country. They’ll enjoy it more with the sun shining on the blue glacier water and I will not have to slip and slide off the mountain in 12″ of wet snow. There was a time I wouldn’t have been dissuaded by weather. That day is long gone.

The Elderberry Wine looks promising.
Come fall, the rose hip jelly could also be good.

Mid June

A good spell of rain put the grasshoppers on pause. The buggers got all of the carrots, beets and some of the lettuce.

***

Skipped town early for the bush. Lisa and I fell a dead fir. Willow and Lola ran around while we knocked off branches and bucked it up.

***

Cormac McCarthy passed away this past week. He wrote many good books. Suttree, No Country for Old Men, The Road, Blood Meridian and others.

When I read Child of God, I wondered how he could write it. How did someone, a loved one, tell him, you can’t write that.

It is in that space where conscience and violence takes hold, deep down, where truth dwells. Cormac McCarthy had a seat next to this other world and reported back in prose that could stun.

When I broke my leg I was higher than hell on morphine awaiting an operation. My sister Wynanne gave me a copy of All the Pretty Horses.

I read and reread until I could say it in a slurred voice:

They rode out along the fenceline and across the open pastureland. The leather creaked in the morning cold. They pushed the horses into a lope. The lights fell away behind them. They rode out on the high prairie where they slowed the horses to a walk and the stars swarmed around them out of the blackness. They heard somewhere in that tenantless night a bell that tolled and ceased where no bell was and they rode out on the round dais of the earth which alone was dark and no light to it and which carried their figures and bore them up into the swarming stars so that they rode not under but among them and they rode at once jaunty and circumspect, like thieves newly loosed in that dark electric, like young thieves in a glowing orchard, loosely jacketed against the cold and ten thousand worlds for the choosing.

***

I rarely get angry anymore. I’ve paid dearly for things I’ve said, but I stand by them all.

Recently my name came up at a District of Invermere (DOI) council meeting. Somebody had left an anonymous message in a Facebook post criticizing the Mayor and Council. They attributed it to me without proof.

It is true I have been critical of DOI council and the mayor on this blog. My name and email is beside everything I say. I give reasons for my criticism.

I despise anonymous comments and the people who leave them. They are seen everywhere on news sites. My feeling is, if you have something to say you put your name to it.

When I heard Mayor, Council and DOI staff were attributing critical anonymous comments to me I was pissed off.

I had a talk with one of the Councillors today. Of course getting to the bottom of who said what is like herding cats. The more I tried to shake him the further down his tongue went.

***

The hot weather is picking up speed. It will be winter before long and the wood will come in handy.

Politicians Hopping

A good walk in the morning. The Tiger Lillies are up. Birds all around, singing, but few I can see. Spotted a large pine tree down that would make good firewood.

The grasshoppers took another bite out of the garden. They are starting on the broccoli and cabbage. They have completely done away with the carrots, beets and most of the lettuce.The only defence I have against them is a spray of water. A scarce commodity in this town.

***

As mentioned in earlier posts, The District of Invermere (DOI) is notorious for poor management. The town is struggling with water, sewer and road issues. For years infrastructure and District citizens have taken a backseat in favour of enticing tourism. Now, aging infrastructure is becoming hard to ignore. Dirty water, poor roads and untreated sewage discharged into Toby Creek is starting to cause problems. If it is only a problem for residents, DOI leaders wouldn’t care, now however, the problems may spill over and effect tourism.

***

What the DOI needs is Incompetence Insurance, if such a thing exists. It is true DOI rates would be high due to the level of incompetence exhibited in the past. However it still may be a worthwhile purchase for the citizens of DOI.

Here is an example of how it could come in handy:

A few years ago DOI hired a Public Works Manager. He was useless from the beginning. The District tried their best to get him comfortable in the position, but it was not to be. They had to fire him and paid out a large severance package to do so.

After he was fired, I had to drive him to Cranbrook. He had a new job. After an hour in the truck with him I knew this guy was as useless as tit’s on a bull and full of shit regarding his credentials. He had some education, but was daft in every other way.

I never could understand why DOI HR didn’t see through his bullshit in what must have been an extensive interview process.

As it turns out another government agency hired his sorry ass and have been regretting it ever since.

Now, getting back to the point, the Incompetence Insurance could have been used to pay for the mistake of hiring the dimwit and paying his salary and the handsome severance package he walked away with.

***

Of course I am being facetious. There is no such insurance.

***

It is the same everywhere. Big government or small seems to be populated by A type ambitious arseholes who get what they want and disappear leaving their shit behind for everyone else to clean up.

These are the people we entrust to do their best in our interest.

The greedy grasshoppers are harmless in comparison, even comical, jumping this way and that.